Got Me Gagged: The Presence of Slang in Modern Relationships

Often when people think about slang, they associate it with unprofessionalism or even childishness. Between your “skibidi rizz” and “fr clocked tea,” people can find abbreviated language or words from the common culture immature, an immaturity that only makes conversation more difficult. 

However, there is a reason people, especially in interconnecting communities, use language that feels so hard to understand from outside of their spaces: They are not trying to confuse you, what they are doing is trying to connect with one another.

Language Doesn’t Just Fall Out of the Coconut Tree

In a world so interconnected through social media and technology, we often do not see where information stems from, simply the information presented to us. And when it comes to slang, you are far more likely to see someone using it, rather than someone explaining that,  

“Actually, 67 comes from a song used in TikTok edits of NBA player LaMelo Ball who is 

6 feet 7 inches, before escaping its particular niche on TikTok following an interview 

with Taylen Kinny, before exploding on the internet.” 

Yeah, the rabbit hole goes deep. 

When we look at the brief history of 67, we can see its relationship to basketball and basketball culture. Within its original context, it’s a clear reference to LaMelo’s excellence and athleticism, turbo charged by his towering height. But, when brought outside of its original context, we see it translated into the seemingly nonsensical “brain rot language”, its only meaning then attached to, well, it being funny.

While we see slang terms used outside of their original context, that is because the people within those communities of origins are already aware of the words, where they function as an internal reference. Slang is used to signify a community in the same way language can often be used as a signifier for identity. While you may find it difficult to understand a different language, it is a fundamental function of that language for it to unify people within the community.

Slang Hits Different

To discredit slang because of its perceived “childishness” is to deny its appeal and potential. Studies have found 76% of youth use slang daily between close friends. This is because not only does slang function as a cultural identifier, it actually is incredibly expressive of emotion, with specific words for specific context, that often find their use in more judgement-heavy situations. While I could say “You did a great job,” saying “You slayed” will often be felt more because of the way it taps into your feelings and makes you feel part of a group that knows what “to slay” means (especially if you’re in Black and/or queer spaces like the ones in which ‘slay’ originated). 

This is further demonstrated by the way that most slang words are an expression of emotion or value, with a variety of ways to express good or bad varying based on specific instance or intensity. “Ass”, “booty”, “buns”, “buss/in”, “fire”, “lit”, “turnt”, “fuego”, “cookie”, “eat”, “huzz/chuzz”, “locked”, “bees knee’s”, “cat’s meow”, and “decked out”, where we also see they are associated with other words from a negative or positive context.

Are We Really That Split FR?

Although slang changes rapidly, it seems that a lot of the fear of being unable to understand one another is overblown. TikTok, Facebook, Twitter/X, and Instagram are platforms both used by millennials and Gen Z, and as such researchers have observed these to see if major communication differences exist. These researchers found that there were similarly structured linguistically, that slang attributed to Gen Z generally dominated the website, and despite frustration shared by older generations to the more context based Gen Z slang, the use of social media is making the generational differences in slang shorten. Their take away was that even though generations DO have differences in slang, that social media, personal communication, and willingness to engage with one another suggests a positive future for the progression of inter-generational communication. 

Research in the Philippines has also shown that at least between millennials and Gen Z, there is positive correlation between the two groups and common slang terminology, despite millennials no longer producing slang terminology. This shows that, no, the future will not be doomed by kids calling everything “skibidi,” but what can be further gathered from this study is that despite the use of certain terms being more prevalent between generations, many words are shared, and many can be understood by the generations before them.

Catching Feels, Considering Soft Launch

While cross-generational interactions with slang language may be a worry on the larger scale, it’s more important that those we care about understand us. Romantic relationships are particularly ripe breeding grounds for new words and phrases. For instance, consider pet names. When we think of these, often “bae”, “babe”, “honey”, or even “papi” may come to mind from the popular culture, but where these originate from is as a private language for couples, as an informal name, serving much like other slang as a way to express emotional connection. Researchers have even found that within the first five years, the use of these terms are associated with marital satisfaction and couples, when they do not have children, and that these terms are most common within the beginning stages of relationships.

But don’t get any big ideas, tiger. Calling someone you only recently started talking to “babe” is a surefire way to get dropped. While these terms are good for reinforcing existing emotional bonds, much like the personalized language you develop within a social group, slang follows intimacy, not the reverse.  You can create an illusion of closeness by using pet names and other slang prematurely, but the best names come about naturally through shared experiences. They’re grounded in shared experiences, much like 67 and skibidi. And then, once they’re established, they can devolve into absurdities like “ducky” or “sexy pants.” 

So Class, What Have We Learned?

Let’s summarize:

Just like how people use slang as keys to feel connected to groups, not to lock other people out, the unprofessional nature of slang is a lot deeper than it appears, allowing for users to express strong emotional connection. 

Slang also is not just a random collection of words, as slang language is heavy contextually based for those within the referenced communities to understand, and where it becomes confusing is when people who don't understand that context use it out of place. You can’t just be calling everything fire, especially when it's bad. When its forced, rather than positive, it can create negative feelings. This does not apply solely to broader slang, but also language in your relationships.

What you should be doing now, rather than thinking about cute pet names, is spending time with whoever it is you want to be sharing those names with. Enjoy the moment, and when the words flow out without feeling forced, you will know there is an emotional connection.