The Art of Pretending We’re Friends: Parasocialism’s Pitfalls

Have you ever been so deeply obsessed with a celebrity that you’ve picked up your phone, ready to compose a lengthy paragraph defending their virtues on the Internet against naysayers, only to pause and ask yourself – “why am I doing this instead of finishing that paper that’s due in 30 minutes?” I’ve been there, believe me. As a teenage girl, I was not immune to the virus known as “One Direction” that struck in late 2012. It’s interesting how quickly things can progress - one moment, you’re minding your own business, and the next, you’re haunting your home with the lyrics to “What Makes You Beautiful,” sung with all the musical prowess of a cat stuck at the bottom of a well, yowling for a way out.

But simply liking the band wasn’t enough. To be a real fan and prove your

devotion, you had to have a favorite member who you knew every little thing about. And for twelve year old me, that would’ve been Harry Styles. I was not playing about this man in 2012 - I knew his favorite color, I knew the names of his sisters and I remember thinking he could do no wrong. After all, he’s the Harry Styles. He sings about girls being beautiful despite their insecurities, he’s got a British accent and he seems so radiant on screen. And there were so many other teenagers like me – sending the boys fanmail, creating handmade art for the infamous #ZaynStopSmoking campaign and even hacking security cameras to keep tabs on the band during tour. There was real love poured into these 5 boys from people who they would never know. And I remember the devastation so many people felt when they went on hiatus, as if they’d lost connection to a real, healthy relationship. 

 But this isn’t a recount of One Direction’s glory days – it’s an autopsy of fandom culture as a whole. I look back on those days of fangirl fever and wonder – why were so many of us attached to men who did not, and probably never would, know who we were? And how has this phenomenon ramped up in intensity these last few years? The defining term that sets apart the casual listener from the fan invested in the artist’s every move is “parasocialism.” Psychology Today defines parasocialism as “one-sided relationships in which a person develops a strong sense of connection, intimacy, or familiarity with someone they don’t know, most often celebrities or media personalities. These relationships exist only in the mind of the individual, who experiences a bond despite the lack of reciprocity.” The term itself comes from the observations of psychologists Donald Horton and R. Richard Wohl dating back to 1956 - based on how individuals developed what they referred to as the “illusion of intimacy” with popular television characters of the time. But even though there’s been long-standing psychological interest in why parasocialism is such a popular phenomenon, we have no definitive answers just yet. 

Why Do We Experience Parasocialism?

One popular theory is that of the “halo effect” – notable in the field of social psychology, this is defined as the tendency for biased judgements, or the transfer of feelings of one attribute to another, unrelated attribute. Many people feel strongly connected to public figures because the obstacles they face or the art that they create resonates so strongly with them. Talks of gender dysphoria, drug abuse, alcoholism, depression and more coming from those in the public eye, who openly admit they've struggled, is an admirable quality. But the halo effect is the making of assumptions with base tier information. A good way of understanding how the halo effect functions is via this little graphic:

The infographic helps summarize the way our brains perceive famous figures via the halo effect.

And this doesn’t apply solely to Ariana (or her fan base), but to most celebrity - “commoner” interactions as a whole. Our expectations of celebrities are at a high level because they present human characteristics that people have been socially conditioned to view as superior - this includes physical attraction, visible displays of talent, commonalities in life (such as a shared struggle with depression) and even simple connections such as “oh, XYZ celebrity is from my home state? We have something in common, and that connects us.” The economic stability of the celebrity experience leans heavily on the psychological formation of these social connections - think of all the merchandise you may have purchased to support your favorites. Were these items you truly needed? Or did you see people doing unboxings on TikTok and feel a little left out that you weren’t as good of a fan? 

This leads us into our second hypothesis - the fear of missing out (yes, FOMO is a real psychological phenomenon). Social media is the greatest accelerator of this idea that you are missing out on enjoyable life events that others get to experience. 

The infographic helps summarise the way “FOMO” works. Shoutout to the ones who got to see Charli XCX at Brat Tour, or catch DJO at Lollapalooza. I’m so happy for you (or am I?)

Have you ever spent time swiping through stories of other people attending the show of your favorite artist and thought to yourself  “that should be me?” Chances are, this push and pull between your chances of seeing a performer you enjoy might actually be a cause for parasocialism. In fact, this dynamic might fundamentally affect how you make life decisions.  A study conducted by Lee et al., (2018) focused on the impact of pop culture on a participant’s travel making decision process, focusing on Korea due to its standing in pop cultural influence. The results indicated that a higher percentage of participants who displayed parasocial relationships with Korean media figures stated that the inability to visit Korea in person directly affected their mental health. Their quality of life literally declined! And this brings us to the question I think is most important: how do parasocial relationships affect us as people?

Does Parasocialism Have Long Lasting Effects on Our Lives?

Well, parasocialism bleeds into our day to day connections. And perhaps it’s the region of romance that’s most affected. A study was conducted by Erickson and Dal Cin. (2017) to understand the dynamics between romance and parasocial relationships, with a focus on a female audience due to past research indicating that women were more likely to form parasocial relationships than men during their adolescent years. And the results? 93% of the women answering the survey had experienced some form of heterosexual attraction to a celebrity. Moreover, those women often compared their celebrity love with their real-life romantic partners -- and, perhaps unsurprisingly, the real-life partners often failed to measure up. The researchers think this may have led these women to feel worse about their partners!  It was also noted that those who were more prone to parasocial relationships in their adolescence reported more issues in the real world - this included feelings of self doubt, disconnection and an often unrealistic view of romance and sexual relationships. A cyclical sort of system creates itself as this disconnect means more parasocial bonds being created.

 Fun fact: according to the data collected by the study mentioned prior, Zac Efron’s name was most mentioned when it comes to parasocial relationships, with a high estimate of women considering him to be the “blueprint” for the men they would go on to date.

And this isn’t restricted to women, teenagers and young adults. Bernhold and Metzger (2020) would report that highly anxious older adults with a low level of high value real life relationships were equally likely to develop highly parasocial bonds (in this case, with TV actors). The impact of everyday parasocialism can also be seen on platforms such as Twitch, which quite literally profit off these bonds created with complete strangers. It’s clear that these highly emotional bonds are formed at particularly low points in an individual’s life (such as the pandemic), although contradictory research does exist to suggest that even those who are “emotionally balanced” fall prey to parasocialism. 

Is Parasocialism Truly a Risk?

So what do we conclude from this? Are your parasocial relationships dangerous? The answer I've concluded is "it depends."As discussed initially, what strengthens parasocialism is the way people see themselves in the famous figures they admire. Celebrities are public about all they’ve experienced, and it's easy to be enamored by the portraits they present. Not to mention, modern research has mostly discarded negative views, stating that these relationships are typically harmless and, in fact, quite common. However, moderation is key. When parasocial relationships become consuming for an individual, they may evolve into something unhealthy—the individual ceases to maintain their real-life relationships, affecting personal growth and emotional fulfillment in pursuit of a phantom. Find solace in them if it brings you comfort, but always remember that behind the red curtain lies a total stranger. Choose instead to connect with the people physically present in your space - who knows what commonalities you may have? Now if you’ll excuse me, I have Tame Impala tour tickets to battle other fans for.